The Incredible Chuck

Name: Sir Charles Barkley
AKA: the incredible chuck, Round Mound of Rebound, Sir charles, chip
Position: Foward
Height: 6-6 (with large shoes on, or very tiny stilts)
Weight: 252 lbs.
Likes: D E F E N S E defense, Taco Bell, Rebounds
Dislikes: speech therapy, dancing and hugging, Turrible things  


The Lore:

Born with a nearly perfectly spherical head young Charles felt an immediate kinship with the basketball from a young age. For days on end he would disappear into the forests to commune with the basketball and lick syrup off of the trees. This bizarre mixture of religious dedication to the basketball and a diet of almost pure sugar would turn him into hulking mass of basketball fury as he grew. Though not the tallest basketball player on the court his intense syrup fueled attack under the hoop and his bond with the roundest of balls allowed him pull rebounds towards him with an almost magnetic force. On the opposite end of the court he burst through defenders like a pinball bouncing through a very oddly themed pinball machine. A threat anywhere on the court, after his career was over the world would discover he was also a threat on the mike. Despite his bizarre pronunciation of words do to years of indulging in sweet treats leaving his mouth sticky and unable to form certain sounds he still would go on to become americas sweetheart of righteous basketball anger. Not turrible at all Mister Barkley not turrible at all.

The Beard Man

Name: Baron Davis
AKA: BeardMan, The red Baron, B-Diddy, bodyguard, Boom Dizzle
Position: Guard
Height: 6-3
Weight: 215 lbs.
Likes: beards, headbands, disbelief , The cookout
Dislikes: razors, Donald Sterling, dieting


The Lore:

The Baron is a man of exquisite taste and even more exquisite facial expressions.
Once during a game his look of disbelief caused a man in the crowd to stop believing he existed. He vanished in front of everyone never to be heard of again.

At 89 feet Baron Davis has the longest recorded made shot in the NBA. It's rumored he gave the ball a look, as if you say, if you do not go in your gonna have to deal with all of this. Promptly after that the ball was seen to jump out of his hands and straight into the net it then proceed to burst into flames and a faint cry was heard.

But its not all in the looks for the Baron. This two time all star knows how to ball. He may be getting older but never underestimate the Beard Man. For when you least expect it that is when he strikes.  

Big Bird

Name: Chris Andersen
AKA: BirdMan, ManBird, Gary Busey jr
Position:Center-Forward
Height: 6'10
Weight: 228 lbs
Likes: hair gel, tattoos, rebellion, Free Bird
Dislikes: the league's anti-drug policy, rules, nerds


The Lore:

If you asked any ten year old white boy to draw you a picture of the ultimate bad ass and that kid happened to love the song free bird ninety nine percent of the time you would end up with a drawing of chris andersen with tank treads for legs. This bad ass persona is what makes chris andersen the perfect secret identity for THE BIRDMAN.

No one would ever suspect this heavily tattooed shot blocking hooligan was really a crime fighting costumed savior. On January 24, 2006 BirdMan was reported to have been seen fleeing a burning drug lab. On January 25, 2006, Andersen was disqualified from the NBA for violating the league's anti-drug policy by testing positive for a banned substance. A mere coincidence i think not!

Dropping from the roof tops and walloping evil doers. Celebrating victory with his patented chest slaps and wing flaps .His work is never done. The BirdMan is a true hero but his alter ego is no slouch either. As Chris Anderson he uses his powers on the court to block shots and play some serious D. So remember in prospecting town not all is as it seems

Crystal Paul Pierce

Name: Paul Pierce
AKA: The Truth, King Crystal, Demon Slayer
Position: Forward
Height: 6-7
Weight: 235 lbs
Likes: Fighting demons, Another crystal,
Dislikes: Demons, The eerie prophetic nature of his last name after being stabbed


The Lore:
Click here to see where the legend started

From the land of the shamrock comes a man that bleeds green. A crystal being of pure basketball energy, he wanders mystical valleys searching for crystals to convert into clutch plays. On a fateful night years ago the crystal king would engage in a duel with demons that he would almost not escape. Eleven times he was to have a sword pushed through him like a painful reverse game of kerplunk, even this though wouldn't stop him and a month later he would be back on his quest. This has caused more then one of us to question if he is infact a superhuman choosing to use his strange gifts of invincibility and basketball skills for games instead of the logical step of fighting crime by throwing basketballs at criminals like some form of highschool bully turned bizarrely ineffectually gimmicked hero.

Alas we must simply be content to watch mysterious being on the court. Here he is a most versatile attacker, in the paint or from the perimeter no rim is safe from his wrath. He and the other two of the valiant kings of the shamrock kingdoms must stand together once more this time in the face of the three dark kings whom come to challenge for the rule of the eastern lands.

The man child

Name: Dwight Howard
AKA: The man child, Superman, Foul on you, D12, SteelMan
Position: Center
Height: 6'11
Weight: 265 lbs
Likes: Smiles, Puppies, Rebounds 
Dislikes: Free throws, Free throws, Free throws 


The Lore:


Some say he was a child born the size of a man others say a man who's mind is controlled by some form of magical baby. Either way he is 100% man child. It is said he roams the country side looking for things to jump over and giveing out free smiles to those who want them and those who do not.

He is described as a "Super Man" by many people do to his magic abilities on and off the basketball court. But just like super man the Dwight Howard has one great weakness the dreaded free throw. Sure you may laugh surely the great Dwight Howard dealer of the dunks and ruler of the rebound must not be afraid of a simple free throw.

Although tragic it is true once while playing a three on one game with demons Dwight beat them so badly they cursed him.To this very day he still feels the effect of the curse and can be seen making faces of pain and anguish before taking a free throw. Though despite curses and being hacked like he was Shaq, Dwight and his man baby charm shall shine on for years to come in the land of magic.

The Monta Ray

Name: Monta Ellis
AKA: The Monta Ray, One Man Fast Break, Mississippi Bullet
Position: Guard
Height: 6'3
Weight: 185 lbs
Likes: Tattoos, Mopeds, Basketball Thievery
Dislikes: Sharing, Paragraph 12 of his players contract, The ability to grow a real beard


The Lore:

Born deep under the sea, half manta ray, half miracle baby, a child of atlantean prophesy was born. Named Monta Ellis this boy was to be sent to the dry world to partake in their most kingly of games. He glides across the court with an almost balletic grace, cutting through defenders like a shark through a school of prey. Unfortunately his Manta ray breeding seems to have left him frail and as a result he finds defense dangerous work so unlike wild moped adventures he mostly avoids it. Will this whirlwind of lay ups, this scoring demon of the seas ever rise to the heights of basketball glory, that remains a mystery.

Shadow of a king

                                        The Ruler

                                      The Tyrant


Name: Lebron James
AKA: The King, The Chosen One, The lord of no rings
Position: Forward
Height: 6'8
Weight:250
Likes: rings, playing with chalk and chin strap beards
Dislikes: not having any rings, ice cream, puppies and of course fans.. who needs em

The Lore:
 There once lived a great king. He came from humble beginnings to achieve greatness. A slayer wolfs and magicians. A master of tasty dunks. Loved by his people and respected by his peers.

He truly was a great king but over the years something changed inside him. His lust for jewels and power poisoned his mind. He abandoned the people he once loved and sought out 2 other evil lords to try to complete his conquest for power and riches.

Fortunately for the kingdom without anyone to back them up it looks like the evil lords treachery was all in vain. Though maybe its to early to tell maybe the dark lords shall rise and take the all coveted ring.

Though if Bosh keeps playing like he's allergic to rebounds and Wade and Lebron cant learn to share the ball the heat is going to sizzle out like a match left in the snow.

But remember this will not be the last you see of the great king. Still as powerful as ever he will not be forgotten. To have heros we need villains so love him or hate him King James is here to stay.

EDITORS NOTE: Well folks it seems like the dark prophecy is coming true the moons have aligned and its time to break those virgins out for a sacrifice. The Heat are killing it and the dark lords have risen. We can only wait and see just how far there evil grasp can reach.